Reflections that lead to only more questions

It’s so funny how leaving a place makes me reflect on what I’ve learned there and how I’ve grown. I remember looking back at my journals from Phoenix and being shocked that I had survived to that moment without the life lessons that I learned there. I feel the same way about Vancouver. Does everyone experience this? I was there for less than three months, but I feel like had I not learned what I learned while I was there, I would not be prepared for what life is about to bring me. Is that always the way?

I kind of hope so, it gives my time and life experiences meaning. Vancouver wasn’t all fun and love; it felt like I was dying when my maybe dads (I think that’s how I’ll refer to them until I get any clear answers) told me within 12 hours of one another that they didn’t want anything to do with me. It hurt when Ryan ripped my heart out saying to me that I was just not “worth it.” And yes, living with someone can sometimes be difficult. But the lessons of self-worth, self-nurturing, having fun always, asking the question, taking your time, and being unappologetically you are too good to not want because you have to take the “bad” along with them.

 

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Howe Sound from Mt. Seymour

I didn’t know that places like Vancouver, British Columbia existed. That is one of the downsides of growing up in a small town. You know that Friday night football is as real a thing as Friday Night Lights portrayed it to be. That those PTA soccer moms sometimes feel like they’re running the community more than any city official (that you know all by name). That everyone knowing your business (and your parents’ business and your husband’s business) is part of the deal. But knowing that there are cities that can both feed your desire for late night delivery food, the fine arts, AND 10+mile hikes in the thick forest exist?! Vancouver alone has brought that to me.

Affirmations are huge for me and the ones that came to me during my time in Van are amazing. I have been using them for years, but it’s fun to watch them evolve and ring true for present-day Maranda. My current affirmations are:

The universe is conspiring in my favor to help me achieve my dreams and purpose.

I am not attached to the idea that life should be easy, and without issue, that is non-life.

May I be used to my greatest good for the great good of all involved.

I am fulfilled, abundant, healthy, worthy, prosperous, happy, content, loved, joyful, and successful.

I trust myself. I trust the Universe. I trust Divine Timing.

I see me! I know my worth.

I am open to all the beautiful love that is offered to me by the Divine.

My circumstances do not determine my attitude, my connection to Source energy does.

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Evergreen reflections on Mt. Seymour in North Vancouver

These come to me in my meditations, while appreciating the fine arts, and being in the glory of Mother Nature. They are continuations and adaptations from the wise words I’ve read and heard. Inspired by the intuitive people that have come before me, but that ring true for me at that moment. They are ever-changing and often my life-lines.

Am I the only one who uses a change of location to recognize these lessons? I’m helping plan my ten-year class reunion, and I see so many people living essentially duplicate lives of their siblings, parents, and older relatives. Of course, each experience is different, and we all have different needs and wants out of this life; but do the same monumental leaps of growth happen if you’re always in the same place?

These are true ponderings, not judgments. I know people are always growing and changing. Am I the only one who needs a different postal code for a different lesson? Maybe the experience is felt more when it is recognized because of the leaving. If I weren’t leaving Van would I be as reflective of my lessons learned there or would I just be in the thick of life, bills, family/friends, and the status quo? I won’t be so bold as to attempt an answer. Instead, I’ll be grateful for the opportunity to mull over such vital questions.

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2 thoughts on “Reflections that lead to only more questions

  1. I often run off to who knows where and every time, I see things differently, learn big lessons and sometimes get exactly what I didn’t expect. Sometimes it happens at home too but I think my eyes are more open, maybe my heart too when I’m somewhere brand new. I often think that in a new place, I can be a new person… someone responding to the energies of the place I’m in. Maybe that’s what makes all the good lessons happen. Maybe…

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  2. Sarah

    As a person who has stayed in relatively the same area most of her life, it’s not the place that makes me reflect but events. Big ones like well having a child and small ones like days spent putting up the Christmas tree or the hike we took in a new park. You do get wrapped in the “daily grind” but God or the universe or whatever you want to insert here stops you in your tracks when you need it most.

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