Tears streaming into my ears, down across the tops of my cheekbones.
Shug. Shug. Shug. My heart pounding in my ears. Laying on my chest with my heart thumping into my mat and the sound not only of it beating, but the actual constricting and releasing filling my ears.
“Let us out of this pose! My leg is streaming!”
These moments are yoga
Yoga has been and will remain, a constant routine in my life. Something I can always come back to. Always teaching me, helping me grow with more compassion. The clear message yesterday? “I’m worth it!” I stay through the hard stuff. Four dads, two grandpas, and one husband all leaving in some way or another can do a number on a girl’s sense of self-worth! Now I know not all of them consciously chose to leave, but on a spiritual and energetic level, they did. They all left. And here I remain trying to figure out why when a guy says he doesn’t want to be with me it makes me feels as if everyone I’ve ever loved is saying, “You’re not worthy of love” even though I know this not to be true.
Self-worth is hard! And many times life’s circumstances only make it harder. Facetiming with my little cousins last night made me think though. I know their worth. How precious they are. That they deserve all the of their hearts desires. I “know” that about myself too, but putting it into practice can be tricky. I hope by delving deeper into my own self-worth and demanding what I deserve, they and everyone will have another example to remind them that they also deserve their heart’s yearning.
People find it in different activities— kickboxing, running, but for me it’s yoga. Ashtanga, Vinyasa, Hatha, Bikram, you name it and I love it! When you’ve taken your physical body to a point that your mind says “Stop! Do anything but this!” but your body holds, you are reminded that you are not only your mind. You find space through breath and allow it to take you to a level you thought you could never reach before this exact moment. It feels like magic. It feels like self-worth and confidence. You’re reminded of your truest essence. It feels like a breakthrough every time you step on your mat. And then you get Shavasana to let the deliciousness soak into every cell in your body.
Yoga sayings in life off our mats
Breathe into the tight places. Lead with your heart. Change your perspective. Smile. Remember your intention. Breathe. Open. Find where you can soften. Settle into your balance. Release any expectations. Be childlike. Don’t be afraid to fall and fail. Start again. Find your center. Meet yourself on your mat exactly as you are today. Have fun! Be in alignment. Find space. Still the mind and be present.
So I’m working on my self-worth and in this 90 minute, 95-degree Bikram class when I screamed at the top of my lungs (inside my own mind… it is a yoga class) “I am worthy! I know that I am strong and balanced enough to stay and calm my mind enough to breath and know I am enough“. And then I cried in a yoga class and felt raw and vulnerable and sweaty but freaking worthy. Worthy of love, of the life of my dreams, of happiness. All of it. Worthy. So go suck it anyone (in particular any man) that would like to tell me or any woman otherwise.